Comments That Annoy The Shit Out Of Me
The comment that annoys the shit out of me the most lately comes in question form, and usually goes something like, "Why don't you date a foreign girl?"
I hear this from both ignorant peasant types, and from people who should know better, people who have foreign friends/partners, and/or have lived overseas. Why should they know better? Because it's thinly veiled racism that questions my right to date whoever I want to, regardless of race, nationality and culture. It also suggests that there is something wrong with me dating Koreans (is there?), and accuses me of being racist myself in my dating preferences. On a side note, one of those people told me that she would date a Japanese, and that her mother would accept that, and maybe another non-Korean-Asian nationality if she was really desperate, but never a white black or brown person. Then she recommended that I "please find a foreigner girlfriend".
People who ask me this see two groups of people in the world, Koreans and foreigners. This is a ridiculous way to look at things for a start, but some people can't help it. Since I belong to the latter group, apparently I should date within that group only. It seems that a white guy living in Korea, which is 98% Korean, should restrict himself to the other 2% of the population, most of whom are Korean-Chinese anyway, and would probably be considered off-limits too.
Why don't I date a foreigner? Well, first of all, I have. I'm not at the moment, but I have since living here, twice. In addition, I've also dated a foreigner of Korean background, but as alluded to in the previous paragraph, the kind of people who ask me this question would probably see them as conveniently Korean. But let's assume that I haven't, for argument's sake. There are a few reasons why limiting myself to the tiny foreign minority doesn't sound like much fun:
- There just aren't that many foreign girls. Some days I see one or two, some days I see zero, and I'm in an area of Seoul with a larhe non-Asian foreigner population. The exception might be Friday and Saturday nights when you see large groups of foreigners outside their natural habitats. This observation is limited to non-Asian foreigners of course, and although my area is full of overseas Koreans, mainly Korean-Americans, they would probably be considered as Koreans by the commenter anyway. Seoul isn't Hong Kong or Shanghai, and it's far from Sydney or LA. Non-Asian women are in short supply, and those of a datable age are overwhelmingly ESL teachers, US Army, or Russians on "entertainer" visas.
- I'm in Korea. Isn't it natural to date the people who reside in the same place that you do? If a Korean was in Spain, for example, and dated some locals, would anyone say "Hey, why don't you date a Korean girl for a change?"? I don't think so.
- I'm trying to learn the language. If I'm trying to spend some of my social time speaking Korean with Koreans in order to improve, and I'm also dating, whether casually or with a view to a serious relationship, doesn't it make sense to combine the two? I'm more than capable of initiating and maintaining a relationship in Korean, so why shouldn't I? Also, I'm not using people for language practice - I've dated girls who have been happy to speak to me in 100% Korean, but I've chosen to use English because their English was superior.
- In order to actively seek out foreigners to date from the small pool of them here in Korea, I would have to go to places that I usually avoid and do things that I hate. In the course of my daily life, I don't interact with any foreign women. The foreign female friends I have are former coworkers, and we're talking a handful of people. If I wanted to "try dating a foreign girl" I would have to go to clubs and bars in Itaewon and Hongdae, which I never go to unless I have to, or to the noisiest, smokiest, trashiest foreigner hangouts in my area, where I rarely see anyone attractive of any nationality on the few occasions where I am forced to enter those places. Apparently though, that's what I should be doing.
What is comes down to is that these people would much rather see me dating anyone but a Korean. They'd much prefer it if I had a dating preference that excluded Koreans, instead of seeing me date whoever I come across in my everyday life who will agree to have dinner with me. In the meantime, I'll continue to date Koreans until I leave, and then I'll date the residents of the next country I live, whether it's Australia, the US, Switerland, China, Russia or Iran.
Here are some stats, just for fun. I got them from this article. It was printed in 2009, and the stats are from 2008, but I don't think think there's been too much change since then. Click the photos to see them full size.
Some key stats:
Foreign percentage of Seoul - 2.44% (255,207 people)
Number of Chinese in Seoul - 192,618
Number of Australians in Seoul - 834
The big blue man in the second figure represents the 33,102 Chinese living in Yeongdeungpo-gu and 2046 Americans can be seen to be living in my area, along with 405 French people (That sounds wrong, should it be French men and women?). Yeongdeungpo-gu is the area with the largest percentage of foreign residents at 8.7%, 35,438 out of a total of 408,099.
I hear this from both ignorant peasant types, and from people who should know better, people who have foreign friends/partners, and/or have lived overseas. Why should they know better? Because it's thinly veiled racism that questions my right to date whoever I want to, regardless of race, nationality and culture. It also suggests that there is something wrong with me dating Koreans (is there?), and accuses me of being racist myself in my dating preferences. On a side note, one of those people told me that she would date a Japanese, and that her mother would accept that, and maybe another non-Korean-Asian nationality if she was really desperate, but never a white black or brown person. Then she recommended that I "please find a foreigner girlfriend".
People who ask me this see two groups of people in the world, Koreans and foreigners. This is a ridiculous way to look at things for a start, but some people can't help it. Since I belong to the latter group, apparently I should date within that group only. It seems that a white guy living in Korea, which is 98% Korean, should restrict himself to the other 2% of the population, most of whom are Korean-Chinese anyway, and would probably be considered off-limits too.
Why don't I date a foreigner? Well, first of all, I have. I'm not at the moment, but I have since living here, twice. In addition, I've also dated a foreigner of Korean background, but as alluded to in the previous paragraph, the kind of people who ask me this question would probably see them as conveniently Korean. But let's assume that I haven't, for argument's sake. There are a few reasons why limiting myself to the tiny foreign minority doesn't sound like much fun:
- There just aren't that many foreign girls. Some days I see one or two, some days I see zero, and I'm in an area of Seoul with a larhe non-Asian foreigner population. The exception might be Friday and Saturday nights when you see large groups of foreigners outside their natural habitats. This observation is limited to non-Asian foreigners of course, and although my area is full of overseas Koreans, mainly Korean-Americans, they would probably be considered as Koreans by the commenter anyway. Seoul isn't Hong Kong or Shanghai, and it's far from Sydney or LA. Non-Asian women are in short supply, and those of a datable age are overwhelmingly ESL teachers, US Army, or Russians on "entertainer" visas.
- I'm in Korea. Isn't it natural to date the people who reside in the same place that you do? If a Korean was in Spain, for example, and dated some locals, would anyone say "Hey, why don't you date a Korean girl for a change?"? I don't think so.
- I'm trying to learn the language. If I'm trying to spend some of my social time speaking Korean with Koreans in order to improve, and I'm also dating, whether casually or with a view to a serious relationship, doesn't it make sense to combine the two? I'm more than capable of initiating and maintaining a relationship in Korean, so why shouldn't I? Also, I'm not using people for language practice - I've dated girls who have been happy to speak to me in 100% Korean, but I've chosen to use English because their English was superior.
- In order to actively seek out foreigners to date from the small pool of them here in Korea, I would have to go to places that I usually avoid and do things that I hate. In the course of my daily life, I don't interact with any foreign women. The foreign female friends I have are former coworkers, and we're talking a handful of people. If I wanted to "try dating a foreign girl" I would have to go to clubs and bars in Itaewon and Hongdae, which I never go to unless I have to, or to the noisiest, smokiest, trashiest foreigner hangouts in my area, where I rarely see anyone attractive of any nationality on the few occasions where I am forced to enter those places. Apparently though, that's what I should be doing.
What is comes down to is that these people would much rather see me dating anyone but a Korean. They'd much prefer it if I had a dating preference that excluded Koreans, instead of seeing me date whoever I come across in my everyday life who will agree to have dinner with me. In the meantime, I'll continue to date Koreans until I leave, and then I'll date the residents of the next country I live, whether it's Australia, the US, Switerland, China, Russia or Iran.
Here are some stats, just for fun. I got them from this article. It was printed in 2009, and the stats are from 2008, but I don't think think there's been too much change since then. Click the photos to see them full size.
Some key stats:
Foreign percentage of Seoul - 2.44% (255,207 people)
Number of Chinese in Seoul - 192,618
Number of Australians in Seoul - 834
The big blue man in the second figure represents the 33,102 Chinese living in Yeongdeungpo-gu and 2046 Americans can be seen to be living in my area, along with 405 French people (That sounds wrong, should it be French men and women?). Yeongdeungpo-gu is the area with the largest percentage of foreign residents at 8.7%, 35,438 out of a total of 408,099.
posted by Sam at 10:25 PM
3 Comments:
Hi Sam~
I'm Korean myself, living in Seattle. :) I totally understand how you feel. We all feel that often when you are part of that minority group. I had couple of white friends ask me if I ever eyed on white girls as prospect. It's just one of those questions people bluntly ask. That chart you got there is very interesting...190,000+ Chinese in Seoul hahaaha
I came across your blog somehow, really liking your stories now. You should buy a domain and start a homepage if you got time :)
I don't think I'll ever go to Korea. I've heard so many stories of rudeness and sometimes outright racism and discrimination towards non-Koreans visiting Korea.
Korea seems to be such a beautiful country, but inside, has such a terrible personality... maybe that is why some of the people are like that? Beautiful and looks almost like angels, but are the worst, most selfish, cruel and materialistic people you will ever meet.
King Jung,
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it, and thanks for reading too.
Anonymous,
You should definitely come to Korea and check it out, you might be surprised. The people are great - far from selfish cruel and materialistic. For all my criticisms, I love it here.
Post a Comment
<< Home